Conclusion

I have come to the conclusion that I am not good at blogging.... yet.....
After I got my blog organized, I found that it was not my priority, but a project that I did in order to procrastinate studying for a test.... Sad? Yes.  Realistic? most definitely.
The 2 weeks following my blog creation, I had finals, had to prepare for Brazil, shop for Christmas presents and fit a time in to work out.... so fitological fell to the way-side.  Since then- some major events in the past few months include (and are not limited to...)
Christmas
Brazil
School starting back up again
Family Drama
bad eating habits - that I picked up from BRAZIL!!
getting my iphone
figuring out iCal
tests for school
online class
paperwork for school
trying to get my organization and prioritization skills back in check

and the one that I am struggling the most with...
my Grandmother passing away  on January 18th.

I know that I am still in the denial stage of grieving.  It still does not seem real, and when I try to realize that it is real, it hurts.  Not in a physical sense of being in pain.  But feeling like a place in my heart is hollow but my chest is heavy.  I really don't like being a "debbie downer/ depressive" but I am having a hard time with it.  My friend suggested something that sounds like it will definitely help me... but I have yet to arrange a time to set aside to actually do it.  I know I need to, and I will probably feel better after doing so... but that is going to force me to realize some things have really changed and I will never be able to get the time back that I missed out on with Granny.

I still feel like its a dream, and come spring, everything will be the way I remember it.  And I know that its not the reality, but reality hurts, it really really hurts.  I think of all the things that happened last year, and all of the things I could have done differently, to be there for Grandma more and to visit her more, and keep family my highest priority - but school got in the way.  But worse, my lack of prioritizing, and time management totally caught up with me.  I feel like if I could have managed my time better and done things quicker,... I could have spent more time with her, and helped her and realized when she was getting sick, and done something about it.

Another thing that irritates me, and I KNOW it will always be my pet peeve... is when people fail to realize that they are not capable of certain things, yet try to "test out the water" and do it anyway, despite repercussions of their actions and how it may effect other people involved.  They are too concerned with self-gain, that they get tunnel vision and don't look at the big picture.  While they want to do the right thing, their perception of the "right thing" could not be further from the actuality.

I'm going to post some pictures, hoping that it will make me feel better.